While working on the Dressing Room Takeover, to boost other girls' self- esteem, I can't help but think of my own less-than-ideal self-esteem and image. It is somewhat ironic and contradicting that I fully believe in beauty inside and out, and having confidence in oneself, when I lack seeing these things in myself. Sure, I don't look in the mirror and scream about how hideous I think I am, but I am still constantly criticizing myself, and looking at all of my flaws.
I guess it comes from being a perfectionist and wanting to be the best I can in everything I do. I've always grown up with the philosophy that I can always do better. While it pushes me to try my hardest and achieve my goals, it is as easily detrimental to my personal image and worth. "You can always do better": I could be prettier; I could be smarter; I could be less guarded about my insecurities; I could be less critical; I could be better at one thing or another. In my head, I am constantly thinking about the negative qualities I possess; among them being my enormous hesitance to let others see my negative traits. I am insecure about my insecurities.
I am fighting between the two me's: The strong, happy go- lucky, confident me that I embrace, and most people see; and the scared, insecure, lonely me, who is a combination of all the parts of me that I don't like, and I had denied its very existence for a long time. I am fighting to find a balance between these two girls: one that is strong and confident, and accepts, no, embraces her flaws.
With this in mind, I am more encouraged to help other girls help their self-image and worth, only because I see my own negative self- image, and don't like it one bit. I don't want others to be where I am now, and sincerely want change as a whole for the better.
Who knows? Maybe a little will rub off onto me.
-Anonymous
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